I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
