I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize