Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
