I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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