well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
