honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
