She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
