I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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