today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
