Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
