God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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