Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
