i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
