i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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