I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
