Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
