I'm gonna have a badass scar
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think I am morally bankrupt
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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