what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
