you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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