Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
