I just made out with a guy for $7.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He has the fingertips of a God
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