There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
