dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
tell me about the fingering
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