I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
