there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
