i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
