I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
