I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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