how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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