you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
