call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
