I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Randomize
