it wasn't lemon gatorade
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
