I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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