Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
