Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
