She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
