Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
