I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
