One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
