If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
