Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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