I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
