I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
