Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i was born a porn star she said
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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