Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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