Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
