don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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