So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
