So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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