Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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